One of the most empowering things you can do for your wellness and that of others is proactively managing expectations. This fosters healthy relationships and paves the way for successful outcomes in both personal and professional settings, leaving you and those around you feeling motivated and inspired.
Proper management and understanding of others’ expectations increase their satisfaction with the services and products you provide. Setting clear boundaries on others’ expectations of what is achievable and aligned with the capabilities provided to you is a key strategy in avoiding burnout and stress. Setting realistic and achievable goals can reassure yourself and others, fostering a sense of security and balance.
To sum up, managing expectations is a balancing act. Those who do it skillfully with themselves, clients, colleagues, family, and friends seek to underpromise and overdeliver. This approach maintains wellness, maximizes talents, and fuels ambition and a drive for excellence.
I understand the difficulty of managing expectations all too well. Let me provide insight into managing expectations for myself, clients, work colleagues, superiors, and friends.
Managing Expectations of Yourself
One of the most crucial aspects of managing expectations is managing your own. This sets the foundation for interacting with others and approaching your work and personal life. Here are some considerations to keep in mind:
1. Set realistic, achievable goals and expectations. The key to meeting expectations is to make them achievable based on your current circumstances. It would be best if you made a goal that is within your current capability to achieve. Push to the edge of your capability, but do not overdo it. You can always have a stretch goal, but do not bank your expectations on it. In this way, you promise to do what is achievable, avoiding missed expectations. If you hit your stretch goal, you have exceeded expectations and over-delivered on the promise to yourself.
Here is an example from my weight loss journey. I had my upcoming West Point Class reunion that was nine months out. I made a goal to be within 15 pounds of my steady-state weight since leaving the army. This goal would require losing just under the average of 2 lbs. a week, which was the anticipated weekly weight loss in my program. I then had a stretch goal of being at my steady state weight.
At the reunion date, I hit my first goal, but I did not make the stretch. But I was thrilled and fit in well with my classmates. I was still over my Army weight but could shift to my stretch goal after the reunion.
2. Avoid catastrophizing. One of the leading causes of missed expectations is catastrophizing, which is to imagine the worst possible outcome of pursuing a goal. There are two ways catastrophizing can impact your goals and expectations. The first way is that you think that you can’t do something, so you set your expectations too low. The second way is when catastrophizing overwhelms you. You anticipate the consequences of missed expectations, even though you may be on track.
I will give you an example of how catastrophizing about expectations impacted my mental health. At the beginning of my sophomore year at college, I was on a roll academically. I received an A on the first five assignments, so I set a goal to get straight As that semester (which is very unrealistic in my college). My streak continued until two-thirds I received a B+ on a test.
I could have taken this in stride if not for the infamous upcoming paper in Sosh (Social Studies). The mandatory word limit was the most that I had written to date. Plus, the grade on the paper was almost the entire grade for the class. I started thinking I would not only not get an A but unrealistically a D or F. To avoid this, I revised the paper 20 times! I started neglecting other duties and became depressed.
I ended up seeing a counselor. After hearing my stressed-out story, they gave me the best advice ever. The counselor told me I was too hard on myself and set my expectations too high. They then asked me how I objectively felt about the paper. I told them I thought it would pass but not get more than a B-. In reality, I received the highest grade in the class on the paper – an A-. All the catastrophizing was not helpful and harmful to my health.
3. Do not overcommit and set boundaries. The previous story also shows the importance of not overcommitting to goals or responsibilities and setting limits to the time for their achievement. I survived with under five hours of sleep a night for a month because I was constantly editing the paper. When setting a goal, set boundaries on how much you will do to achieve it. After the Sosh paper debacle, I committed to no less than six hours of sleep a night. I also established the mantra, “Well rested, well tested, never bested,” which I continue to follow today!
4. Adjust expectations as you learn. Lastly, you need to revise your expectations to incorporate what you learned in pursuing them. The excellence of today will be mediocrity tomorrow if you stay stagnant. Also, your interests and goals may have changed. So it is important that once you meet expectations, you apply what you learned and drive to higher expectations and loftier goals.
Managing Expectations of Client Stakeholders and Supervisors
It might seem strange that the rules for managing client stakeholders’ and supervisors’ expectations are similar. It is not, however, if you look at the commonalities between the two groups. First, expectations may differ between multiple client stakeholders and different supervisors. Most workers have various supervisors in the matrixed organizations of today. Likewise, the expectations of shareholders need to be considered. Second, you work for your clients and your supervisors. Lastly, expectations need to be adjusted as new stakeholders or supervisors are introduced.
Here are some considerations to underpromise and over-deliver on client and supervisor expectations.
1. Document and confirm expectations up front and resolve differences. After winning work from a client or being introduced to a new supervisor, the first thing to do is document and confirm their expectations of your team. It would be best if you did this formally, actively listening to each stakeholder and supervisor’s expectations, documenting them, and having them confirm the documented expectations.
The final step is to determine if some of the expectations from one stakeholder differ from another. Call these differences out and work to align them or confirm which takes precedence. This last step is essential, especially if two organizations are involved in the same project. If you don’t, you could end up meeting the expectations of one client only to miss the expectations of the other client.
2. Confirm and document a plan for meeting expectations. Now that the expectations are confirmed and aligned document how you will meet those expectations. For example, develop a deliverable expectation document (DED) for each component of a client project. Likewise, document your goals and objectives in alignment with your supervisors’ expectations.
3. Be transparent and communicate early and often. All the planning and documentation of expectations is useless if you fail to communicate progress in achieving program and team goals. Communication should be early and frequent, including demonstrations to ensure progress is still aligned with expectations. If clarifications arise or new expectations surface, address them head-on through the change management process. Nothing is worse for the project and the wellness of team members than missed or unfulfilled expectations and requirements. It is like a child waking up on Christmas Day expecting a new toy and getting socks instead.
Managing Expectations of Family and Friends
This last category of managing expectations is perhaps the most important. Nothing is more damaging to relationships with family and friends than missed or unfulfilled expectations. A child will remember when you missed a sporting event you promised to attend. Friendships will suffer if you fail to show up after you promise to help them move.
Here are some considerations to help you keep your promises with family and friends.
1. Only Promise what You Can Deliver, but Make Every Effort. It is hard to balance work and family commitments. In reality, choosing between the two is not so much a balancing act as it is a choice. Sometimes, an important work meeting competes with a child or significant other’s event. When these choices arise, try to attend to family and friends. If you cannot, tell your family member or friend as soon as possible and the reason for it. Above all, if you commit to the event of the family or friend, do not change under pressure from work. Your child or friend will remember your broken commitment much longer than your boss when you miss a meeting.
2. Set boundaries for self-care. You can’t be the best friend or family member if you do not take care of yourself. Find time for fitness and your prayer or mindfulness practice, and tell your family the time you have blocked out. I have told my family, friends, and work that I have a Body and Soul timeslot for an hour and a half each day. They have seen the positive results from this designated self-time and appreciate it.
3. Make a Joint Schedule and Mission Statement. The best way to know the important events for each family member and the joint events for each community group is to make a joint calendar and review it each week. Also, a mission statement that includes the expectations of each community member is an excellent tool for documenting each member’s expectations and the group’s common purpose.
Managing and meeting expectations leads to better work and personal relationships. Follow these considerations to improve your well-being and that of others. For additional insight on managing expectations, read this blog from Calm. Go to our podcast page to hear this and other wellness tips.
