Trying to be perfect can prevent you from being better. We often think of perfectionism as a virtue, but in its extreme, it is a vice.   That quest for flawlessness can stifle our growth, creativity, and happiness. Let’s explore why perfectionism can be a problem and how we can break free from it.

A Cautionary Tale on Perfectionism

Perfectionism Sends Me into A Tailspin

When I was younger, I was a perfectionist. An example: I started my sophomore year on an incredible roll. I got all of the A’s on my first eight assignments. Then came the time to write the infamous Sosh paper.

I was a good writer, but I heard horror stories that my professor reinforced. So, for the next 4 weeks, I stayed up night and day and constantly rewrote the paper. I had edited it so many times that I was in danger of not reaching the required word limit. Finally, so tired from exhaustion that I could not edit anymore, I finished at the last second and turned in the paper.

I was distraught because I thought I would get a D at most. When the grades finally came out, the professor said one of you did exactly what I wanted and edited the paper to be within the word limit.  I got the highest grade, an A-.

You would think I would have been happy, as my perfectionism proved its positive virtues. But the opposite was true. It sent me into a tailspin.

A New Balanced Approach and Mantra

I thought I had to keep up the pace to get A’s. The result was that I ran myself into the ground studying and ended up in the infirmary.

The doctor sent in a counselor to help me get off this destructive path.  The counselor convinced me that I was being too hard on myself.  I had tried to be perfect in grades, I let other things slip, like my health and extracurricular activities.

I took the counselor’s advice to heart. For the rest of my college career, I followed the mantra: Well rested, well tested, never bested! Whenever I heard the voice driving me to perfection, I would take a break, relax with friends, or go to the recreation room.

The Dangers of Perfectionism

The cautionary tale above illustrates several dangers of perfectionism.

Fear of Failure

One big issue with perfectionism is the fear of failure. I had a streak of A’s and thought the Sosh paper would be my undoing.  I set super high standards for myself and was driven to the sick bed, pursuing those standards.

Perfectionists can also negatively impact others.  I still have bouts of perfectionism, which has impacted some of the people working with and for me.  On those occasions, I soon realized my team could become paralyzed from fear of not meeting my standards.  Fortunately, thanks to some of my colleagues, I catch myself and adjust when people avoid tasks for fear of failing.   

Don’t flail because you think you will fail.  Instead, move forward, knowing you can always learn from your failures should they occur.

Overthinking Everything

Perfectionists can get stuck in “analysis paralysis,” where they overthink every detail.  I was stuck in this mode when I constantly edited my Sosh paper, debating every little word. I scrutinized and second-guessed everything when I should have moved on to other work. This stopped me from moving forward in different areas. It also caused me to lose sleep, impacting my performance and health. Read Stop the Negative Talk and Take A Walk for more on overthinking.

Perfectionism Reduces Creativity and Improvement

Creativity flourishes when mistakes are seen as learning opportunities, not failures. It also slows improvement since you bypass the lesson to try one more tweak to achieve perfection. Perfectionism stifles creativity and slows improvement by discouraging experimentation and risk-taking. You hinder innovation and personal growth when you don’t take the time to acknowledge and learn from mistakes.

Unrealistic Expectations

My bout with perfectionism was born of unrealistic expectations. Anyone who thinks they can get through West Point with all A’s is asking to end up in the infirmary.  Unrealistic expectations can sneak up on you unexpectedly.  You must be careful when you are on a roll; good times cannot go on forever.  You will hit some roadblocks. If you get stuck for a bit, that means you are human.

Perfectionists also set unrealistic expectations for others. These impossible standards can lead to chronic dissatisfaction and your team tuning out. This constant feeling of inadequacy can chip away at your team’s morale, even when they have accomplished a lot.

Perfectionism Causes Burnout

Chasing perfection relentlessly leads to burnout, sick days, and people in the hospital. My striving for a perfect Sosh paper drained my mental, emotional, and physical energy. I ended up exhausted and stressed out.  It also strained my relationship with my roommate, who did not understand why I had to keep rewriting my paper instead of turning out the light so we could all rest.

Breaking Free from Perfectionism

How did I finally break out of the perfection mindset?  It was not easy, and I still sometimes lapse back into it before reminding myself of what can happen when the perfect drives you into mediocrity (or something worse!)

Accept Imperfection

The first step to overcoming perfectionism is to accept imperfection. Accept that mistakes and failures are part of the learning process.  You learn the most from your mistakes.  When you are successful, you often miss a problem that could catch up to you over time.  Also, you miss the small victories that accumulate when you are only satisfied with perfection.   By acknowledging that perfection is unattainable, you can see your progress, celebrate it, and improve upon it by accepting and analyzing your flaws.

Set Realistic Goals

The best cure for perfectionism is setting realistic, intermediate goals.  Break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps. This makes the process less overwhelming and allows incremental progress while providing time to adjust course when obstacles occur.  I adopted this approach with my aforementioned strategy of well-rested, well-tested, never bested.  I broke up my homework into small, manageable chunks each week and time-boxed each task.  This way, I acknowledged small successes daily and celebrated by relaxing with friends. 

Prioritize and Focus

Besides making your goals realistic, you must prioritize them and focus on the most important ones.  In my recent blog, Be Intentional to Meet Your Goals, I gave some tips born from recent experience on prioritizing and being intentional with your goals.  Learn to prioritize tasks based on their importance and impact on your purpose and mission. By distinguishing between high-priority and less critical tasks, you can avoid unnecessary stress and ensure your efforts yield meaningful results.  The worst distraction is striving for perfection on a goal that does not advance your mission.

Practice Gratitude and Self-Compassion

Like most reformed perfectionists, I’m hard on myself. I tend to beat myself up if I do not get the desired results.

I confront this tendency by practicing self-compassion, mindfulness, and gratitude. Each evening, I reflect and record in my Gratitude journal three things I am thankful for, three items of success, and two lessons I learned during the day.

Perfectionism Is An Obstacle

Perfectionism is an obstacle to self-improvement and happiness. By understanding its dangers and adopting strategies to overcome its vices, I have been able to tame my perfectionist nature. You can, too! Be well rested, well tested, and never bested by embracing imperfection and seeing failure as a path to improvement.